6 Signs Your Blanket Scarf is Taking Over Your Life
1. You start wearing your scarf year round.
You and your scarf have grown so close that you hardly go anywhere without her. So what if it’s summer!? You’re going for ice cream with the girls and ice cream makes you cold. Besides, a picture of Blanket Scarf and ice cream is Instagram #GOALS!
2. You only use public transportation.
Sure, it would have been way more convenient to drive to the ice cream shop, but you’ve had a few incidents while driving with Blanket Scarf lately. Who knew being able to shoulder check was actually so important!?
3. You start to think your friends might like Blanket Scarf more than they like you.
You finally get to the ice cream shop and see your friends waiting inside. You wave at them and then trip on the curb because you can’t see your feet or the ground in front of you. “OMG, Blanket Scarf!!” shrieks Ashley. “Are you OK?” Your friends rush over and cast accusatory glares at you while they help Blanket Scarf dust herself off.
4. Even the guy who works at Starbucks likes her more now.
You decide to grab a coffee on your way home. You walk in and it’s like that cute barista who used to innocently flirt with you doesn’t even notice you’re there. Suddenly you hear, “Caramel macchiato for Blanket Scarf!” You sigh and go grab your coffee cup that’s covered in doodle hearts and a sketch of the barista curling up with Blanket Scarf in front of a fire.
5. Blanket Scarf becomes controlling and calls you names.
You’re back home now getting ready for SoulCycle and decide Blanket Scarf isn’t really appropriate attire. You try to take her off, but you can’t. Blanket Scarf is bigger and stronger than you. “Don’t even think about it,” she threatens. “Your friends only invited you because of me. Besides, you’re a mess without me. Have you seen how bad I fucked up the back of your hair today?”
6. You catch Blanket Scarf getting cozy with your boyfriend.
You get home from spin class and need a shower. You get out and feel great until you catch your boyfriend and Blanket Scarf cuddling on the couch. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY SCARF?” you ask your boyfriend. “Oh, I thought it was a blanket,” he replies. And then just quiet enough so your boyfriend doesn’t hear, Blanket Scarf whispers, “He likes that I’m soft in all the right places.” Something else starts to move under Blanket Scarf and you notice there’s a paw sticking out. Ugh, she got to your dog too.