Oh, the sexy selfie. They’re so much fun until you become famous and someone gets rich by plastering your boobs and secret butterfly tattoos all over the internet. Aaron and I have about 5 Rubbermaid tubs that we move from place to place, but never open unless we need something particular like old pictures or a flute and a volleyball jersey. We decided it was finally time to go through them and get rid of things like the Hawaiian leis I wore to safe grad and all of those broken dolphin picture frames. I’m not sure why Aaron was holding on to those. Sometime during the process, I came across a blue velvet photo album that I immediately recognized. It was a gift I made for Aaron on his 21st birthday, almost 7 years ago.
In case the blue velvet didn’t give it away, it was a picture album full of sexy pictures that I took of myself. It was Aaron’s first birthday since we had started dating and I decided to set the bar high. I put on my very best La Senza lingerie, got heavy-handed with the eyeliner, smeared on some glittery pink lip gloss, put on my highest heels, dimmed the lights, and propped up my camera on my dresser with the self-timer set. Game on! For the next hour or so, I did my best to recreate the moves of a Sports Illustrated or Victoria’s Secret model (basically Tyra Banks). Many, MANY hair flips and booty tooches later, I hobbled over to my camera to see if the pictures were worth the whiplash. There were some poses I vowed to never do again, but overall, I was pleased. All of those seasons of America’s Next Top Model had really paid off. I printed off the pictures on glossy camera paper, cut them out, and placed them in the photo album with Mae West quotes like, “The best way to behave is to misbehave.” I put the album somewhere safe and set my camera back on my closet shelf.
Aaron’s birthday weekend arrived and I packed up my album and drove to his place in Winnipeg. That night, we had a big house party for him. At some point in the night, I pulled him aside to give him his gift. I don’t really remember, but I’m pretty sure he liked the album. In hindsight, it must have looked really good next to that Ed Hardy shirt that I also got for him. The birthday weekend came to an end and I made the two hour drive back to Brandon.
My roommate had also thrown a party that weekend and when I got home, I could tell that someone had slept in my bed. I didn’t really care as this was my early 20s and I was used to people crashing at my place. And let’s face it, I’m the girl who entered someone’s home without asking and used the bathroom. I opened up my closet and could tell that someone had been in there too, but I just thought that some of the girls must have borrowed some clothes for the bar. But then I looked up and noticed something was missing from the top shelf – my camera! Did I mention that I never deleted any of those pictures that I took for Aaron? So, it’s possible that someone somewhere still has about 200 pictures of me trying to be the next Adriana Lima. I probably even know them. I hope those pictures really pay off for them someday.
Meanwhile, the only pictures Aaron gets these days look like this.
That’s what he gets for putting that album at the bottom of a musty bin underneath his chemistry textbooks.